Lesson #3: People are always more important than things.

The funny thing is that I never really knew my mother taught me this. I never even knew that this was a lesson that had to be taught. It was just how I was raised. Part of the day-to-day operations of my mother's house. I always imagined that knowing, understanding, and implementing behaviors that put human beings ahead of "stuff" was inborn. Innate. Kind of like just knowing how to breathe. That natural instinct that we have telling us not to take a hot poker and jab ourselves in the eye just for the fun of it. Guess what, I was wrong!

Important Note: People who have yet to learn this lesson tend to be bitter, angry and alone.

Years ago, an elderly relative had an annoying tendancy to blame every single scratch on her furniture, crayon mark on her wall, or missing spoon, on MY children. Nevermind that there were about 5 other kids in the family the same age as my children. Nevermind that we always visited the house at the same time as said children. It was ALWAYS us! Not only did she show my children every defect she found, but she would always announce to other family members that my children were responsible for the damage. What was worse, when she spewed her accusations at them it was always in a viscious and demeaning manner. Needless to say, we have marked her off our visitation calendar as have many other people in the years since then. I once heard someone say, "If I am going to be miserable, I am going to make everyone around me miserable, too". She must have been one miserable lady! What a sad and lonely life.

When I invite someone into my home, it is usually with full knowledge that they will be bringing 5 kids, a cat, and their pet turtle with them on their visit. Or, maybe my guest herself is known for being a bit clumsy and breaking a glass now and then. So what? For me, the simple solution would be to probably not use the fine china for lunch. But, if she did break the good stuff, I would never belittle her, make her feel guilty, or unwelcome. Friends are way too important to lose over a silly glass or even over the family heirloom. Who wants to live in a museum or a glass shop anyway? A home should be comfortable, for everyone who enters. Anyone you welcome into your home , or anyone who lives there, should feel that they are valued more than something you picked up at a second hand shop 6 years ago.

A relevant story that comes to mind is one of my grandmother. In 1973, she bought a new set of living room furniture that came with a huge painting that hung on the wall behind the sofa. A few years later, while granny was sleeping, my little sister and I thought that we could probably improve the painting by adding a few special touches using bright purple fingernail polish. Well we ended up adding a whole lot of special touches and the picture was pretty much ruined! To make a long story short, that same picture moved with my grandmother to 3 other homes and always hung behind her sofa until her death in 2001. She never did try to fix it, not that it would have done any good. As adults, when we asked her why she still hung that awful picture up, she would always reply that it reminded her of two little angels from days gone by.

The way I see it is that either you would rather spend your time basking in the warmth of family and friends or alone warming yourself by the radiator on a cold, dark afternoon. The choice is obvious. Or is it?