This morning I had a parent-teacher conference at my son’s school. He is finishing up the 8th grade and it has been a challenging year for both him and for me. Recently, his grades have been on the downslide and I have had some reports from his teachers regarding his attitude and lack of interest in school.
Wanting to get to the root of the problem, instead of just going ballistic on him, I sought the help and guidance of the school counselor and ask her to trail him for a week to find out what was going on. After following him around for the past week, today she was ready to present her report to both me and my son.
According to her perception of the problem, it seems that the main issue my son is facing is that he is hanging out with a bunch of boys from the “other side of the tracks”. The other side of the tracks being tracks which include houses with security guards posted outside and driveways longer than our street.
These boys don’t care about their education. They aren’t respectful of their teachers or their parents. They just don’t care. Why? You would think that the sons of such apparently successful (at least materialistically successful) families would feel immense pressure to succeed.
I am sure that the counselor saw the baffled look I was giving her when she continued with her explanation. Looking directly at my son she explained , “These boys will inherit major corporations from their fathers and will sit at the head of the table regardless of their grades. They will have accountants, secretaries, and assistants who will do all of their thinking for them and they will just be hollow shells who appear to be leaders. They can fail and will always have someone to write them a check to make it all better. You, on the other hand, my dear boy, are going to have to work hard and earn your way in the world so you best start now. You have a lot to give to the world, now get to work!”
Lesson: Life is not always fair. It is not about being fair, it is about working hard and having pride in your accomplishments. It is about the feeling you have when you accomplish something because you deserve it – not because it was given to you.
What a tough, but true lesson for a 14 year old boy. I sure hope he was listening!
Postscript: I suppose he was listening. He is laying at the bottom of my bed finishing up a short story that is due in the morning and has also finished up his math homework.
Score: Spoiled bad boys 0 / Awesomely blunt counselor 1
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5 comments:
Hurrah for the counselor! And what she said is so so true.
What's up with your boy thinking he was born with a silver spoon? Hmmmm. I think the boys more often than the girls may fall prey to that sort of thing.
He is "grounded," and by that I mean he knows what he needs to do. I'm proud of you for not taking the ballistic route (not that you ever would).
This job is hard!
Applause!! I have NEVER heard anyone here EVER say anything like that! I take it back...at my kids school, I discovered they have a policy that if a sister is taken out to be put in public school, her brothers cannot remain. I thought that was pretty cool.
A great lesson for your son.Mine spent the weekend in Deir Ghbair with diplomat friends, and had to go through middle-class rehab for a few hours to get his good attitude back.
Um Farouq - I think you are right about this being a "boy thing". Haven't experienced with the girls at all. Girl #1 says guys search out friends according to who can give them the best wastaa. Looks like I have some major deprogramming to do!
Kinzi - "Middle class rehab" LOL! Sounds like a great idea for a new 12-step program. I think you should develop it and post it on your own blog so I can copy it to mine :) BTW, the rule at your school about the boys being dismissed if their sisters are put into public schools is a great concept! I know of someone who has 3 or 4 girls in a very inexpensive, academically mediocre school and have the 1 and only prodigal son in the Queen's school! Talk about gender inequality :(
For non-Arabic speaking readers, wasta has a similar meaning to cronyism.
Cronyism is showing partiality to long-standing friends, especially by appointing them to positions of authority, regardless of their qualifications. Hence, cronyism is contrary in practice and principle to meritocracy. Cronyism exists when the appointer and the beneficiary are in social contact; often, the appointer is inadequate to hold his or her own job or position of authority, and for this reason the appointer appoints individuals who will not try to weaken him or her, or express views contrary to those of the appointer. (wikipedia)
Actually, it is much deeper than that and wastaa in Jordan can be used from everything from getting a driver's license or getting into a particular school to avoiding jail time!
Forget it. Wastaa will take an entire post to discuss.........
Thumbs up for the counselor! Glad you asked her to trail him for a week. Great job. I hope he snaps out of it.
SubhanAllah. Cool rule at Kinzi's kids' school. I believe in that. It seems lots of folks put the girls in the 'safe' Islamic school and the boys into the expensive 'modern' school for the educational perks. God help them see the light. Maybe their girls are smarter anyway. Ha.
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